DATING YOUR EX-LOVER - EX-BOYFRIEND, EX-GIRLFRIEND

As often as they are warned against it, sometimes ex’s do get back together. Re-dating someone you have been with before has its share of problems, and can sometimes end in disaster. However, re-dating your ex can mean that you were actually meant to be with one another, and can mean a fresh start for the both of you. Often, time apart shows how much you mean to each other, and rekindling lost love might be just what you need.

Before you decide to re-date your ex, a conversation should take place during which boundaries are set. You cannot simply pretend that this is the first go-round, and issues from your previous breakup(s) need to be addressed. Perhaps both of you have grown in your time apart, and that issue no longer stands between you, but that needs to be established before things get hot and heavy.
It is important to stay away from relationships that are doomed from the beginning. In other words, if you know it can’t work, don’t even head down that road. However, if you feel that a fresh beginning is possible, follow these tips for a more successful relationship.
1. Past is Past. I did say that you need to discuss issues from the past, but once they’ve been addressed, they should be stricken from the record. If you are unable to let go of things that have been said or done with your ex, then the possibility for re-dating goes right out the window. Instead, agree that past is past, and that you are going to move on from a fresh, open-minded perspective.
2. Look for Signs. If you’ve been with your ex before, then you know the signs that things aren’t going the way they should. Although you should not constantly be accusing your ex of behaviors that led to the relationship’s demise, you should also not ignore signs that things are headed asunder. Protecting yourself should be your utmost priority, even if re-dating your ex seems like a good idea.
3. Give the Benefit of the Doubt. In somewhat contradiction to rule #2, it is important to give your ex the benefit of the doubt. It is human nature to be wary when re-dating your ex, but don’t let it rule your new relationship. Instead, be open and honest about concerns, and make sure they are addressed sufficiently before moving on.
4. Be Careful of Fights. All couples argue, whether you are re-dating or not, so don’t expect a smooth ride free of breakers. Sometimes you’ll fight, and this is to be expected, but never throw old arguments into the face of your partner. You might be re-dating your ex, but that doesn’t mean he or she deserves to be punished for sins of the past.

BUILDING YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE

Everyone has a few confidence problems, whether pertaining to sex, dating, marriage or something else. There are things that we would like to change about ourselves, things that we are sure must be glaringly obvious to members of the opposite sex. So how can we overcome sexual self confidence issues, and how can we know if we are obviously intimidated?

My issue was always with first sexual experiences. Anytime I knew that I would be having sex with a woman for the first time, I would experience the sweaty palms and racing pulse of a teenage boy on his first date, which was, to say the least, embarrassing. Once that first sexual encounter was over, however, I would regain my sexual self confidence and move on.
Now I don’t have to worry about that anymore, since I have found the only woman I will ever have sex with again, but over the course of our marriage, other self confidence issues have cropped up, and I’ve had to deal with them just like I’ve dealt with others.
In most cases, sexual self confidence issues are based on the unknown, because that is all we really fear. When we have no idea how someone will react to the things we do, anxiety runs rampant and we aren’t calmed until it’s over.
Here are a few tips that might help you to overcome self confidence issues:
1. Know that others feel the same way. Whatever sexual self confidence issue might plague your mind, please know that someone else has experienced it before. Whether it be physical or psychological, other men and women have worried about the same things, which means that you are by no means alone.
2. Be open about it. I have had very few bad dating experiences, and all the women I’ve been with have been open, honest, caring individuals. Had I told them about my insecurities before we had sex, they probably would have done whatever they could to make me feel better. If you are unable to be open about sexual self confidence issues with your partner, then chances are you’ve chosen the wrong one.
3. Give yourself a break. When you feel overwhelmed by sexual insecurity, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Berating yourself for your lack of sexual confidence will only serve to make you more anxious. Instead, come to terms with the issue and work through it. If you have a great sexual partner, he or she will help.