BODY LANGUAGE CHEMISTRY - SHOWING INTEREST IN A DATE

Usually the first way two people connect is through looking into each other's eyes. Before either of you speaks a single word, the eyes have already telegraphed messages. Messages can range from frank curiosity to cool assessment to shy interest. When you look deeply into a guy's eyes, you're telling him you think he's the most fascinating person in the room. In fact, if you keep your eyes locked on his, what you're saying is that as far as you're concerned, he's the only person in the room!

Full frontal eye contact can be risky, however. It can seem too bold and brazen to those men who are put off by such direct behavior by women. But if you're not the bashful maiden type, frankly gaze. In a way, it's a form of natural selection. A guy who is freaked out by your open gaze is probably not a guy for you.

Arm Crossing
When a woman crosses her arms over her chest, it can be interpreted in a number of ways by a guy. It can telegraph the message that she's a vulnerable female creature, an innocent little lamb who feels the need to protect herself from the Big Bad Wolf!
But arm crossing is also a way of telling a guy that you don't like him at all and that your fondest wish at the moment is that he'll go away.
Crossing your arms over your chest is also a sneaky way of drawing attention to your breasts. It's a primitive gesture of sexual anticipation laced with sexual anxiety, which a man might correctly read as the woman's acknowledgment of the basic Me Tarzan, You Jane chemistry happening between them.

Leaning Toward Him
The most common form of this is leaning forward when you're sitting across from him. This gesture shows interest and acceptance. In short, it means you just think he's the funniest, cutest, most fascinating creature put on the face of this earth.
But keep your poker face, player-girl! If you go overboard with the lean, you're giving away your whole hand. You want to keep him guessing at least a little bit, right?
If you catch yourself practically falling into his lap, take a deep breath, sit back in your seat and rest your hands in your lap for a few minutes ‑-- at least until you cool off.
If you find yourself leaning away from him, you're either telling him you hate his guts or you're working overtime to not let him know you're all hot and bothered for him.
Leg Crossing
Leg crossing can be interpreted as a nervous or provocative gesture. Lots of people unconsciously cross and uncross their legs when they're anxious. If you're doing this, the man will correctly intuit that he's somehow "getting" to you. In other words, it's a dead giveaway to the guy that he's unsettled you and his energy has thrown off your equilibrium. On the other hand, if you're deliberately crossing your legs to show off your sexy gams, or deliberately pointing your top leg in his direction, it means you like him a lot. If you can't stop crossing your legs and you're virtually twitching in your seat, again this is an unconscious gesture that clearly tells a man that he's really getting to you. You probably don't want to give him that much power. If he knows you're burning hot for him, he has the upper hand ‑-- and you don't want that. If something about him has really got you squirming, get up, take a walk or go home and take a cold shower.

Hair Twirling
Toying with your hair is a sure sign of nervousness. If you find yourself doing this, take a moment to ask yourself why this guy is making you nervous. Is it because he's too handsome? Too incredibly clever? Is it because you can't get your mind out of the gutter imagining what he would be like in bed? Save your agitation for later ‑-- like when you finally fall asleep and have a red-hot dream about him!
Hair twirling can also be a playful gesture. Women with long hair tend to play with their hair. Hair is sexy and twirling and tossing it draws a man's eye to it. But beware: Many guys say it really bugs them when women keep playing with their hair. Talk about sending the wrong message! What some women think is sexy is a major turnoff to some guys.

Lip Licking
This is purely physiological. Forget what they say about "drooling" over a hot guy. When we're aroused and excited, our mouths get dry. If you find yourself licking your lips a lot in the company of a new man, it means that something about him is really getting to you. Watch out!
Lip licking clearly conveys the message that you're interested in a man. It is a very sexy, and overt, type of body language ‑-- that is, if it is done correctly. What we are talking about here is a slow, sultry swipe along your lips with the tip of your tongue. Just remember to use this one with caution. Your Flirt Object will probably think you are telling him you want to take him to bed. And maybe you do! If that's the case and you're both equally interested, by all means, lick your lips. It's another way of saying, "Let's go back to your place right now." In other words, it's an action getter.

Flared Nostrils
OH MY god, this is the mother of all body language signals! Flared nostrils are an irrefutable sign of sexual arousal. If you're talking to a man and his nostrils are flaring, you can bet your booty he's aching' for you. And, um, it works vice versa. If your nostrils are flaring, your nipples are probably hard, too. If you're flirting with a guy and you've both got the nostril thing going, look out. You might have to rent a hotel room!

THE BEST WAYS TO FIND TRUE LOVE

Look at the one right beside you
It's very common for single people to spend their time searching and searching for the "right person." Zen suggests that we stop running around and instead see what is right in front of our eyes.

Look at a person who is close to you in your life right now. Whether this is a friend, a potential mate or more, notice the ways in which you push him away. Stop doing that. Just allow the two of you to be together in whatever way you are. Accept everything about your relationship as it is.

Do the same thing tomorrow with someone else. This doesn't mean that you have to consider marrying every person who crosses your path. It's just an exercise to see how commonly you might dismiss people who are already in your world because you're busy waiting for the "right one" to appear. But the more "right" you can be with everyone, the more you can open up to the very real possibilities of the present.
Stop playing around with love
So many singles complain that they are not loved. The reason for this can be quite simple. They are so busy playing games that potential partners never get to know who they really are.

What roles or games do you play in relationships? What roles do you expect others to assume? Chances are, you follow a pretty clear pattern, but the question is: Are you falling in love with the person, or with the role that he plays? If you're not sure about your roles, turn them around for a little while. Try playing different roles. Experiment with someone who plays roles that you are not accustomed to. Notice how that feels.

The goal is to become aware of the difference between who you are and the roles you play. Eventually you'll be able to let the roles go and simply be who you are -- which is a Zen-like state of being. Who you are is always lovable and beautiful. It's the roles that get in the way.
Let partners come and go
One major obstacle in living a life of love is the tendency to hold on. We grasp and cling to each other, preventing the freedom of love from rising on its own. Zen asks us to let go.

When someone comes into your life, let him come. Welcome the person, whoever he is. Enjoy what it is he brings, even if it's only for a short time.

When it is time for a person to go away, let him go. Do not turn the person's leaving into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment. Realize that his leaving has nothing to do with you. It is simply time for him to go.

Do this with yourself as well. Let yourself come and go freely in life, and don't get caught in unnecessary chains. The more you free yourself and others, the more easily you fall in love.
Put your baggage down
Many feel that love is not possible unless all their demands are met. However, these same people are repeatedly amazed when they find that these demands don't lead to happiness. Instead, the demands are just obstacles to falling in love.

What are your "must haves" for relationships? If you're not sure, write out the list and take a good look at it. Realize that this is baggage that may be keeping all kinds of people and possibilities away. This baggage may also make you fearful, rigid and closed off to what is available for you right now. Zen asks us to break free of old demands.

Try letting one of these demands subside for just one day. Notice how you feel without it. (Remember, you can always take it back again.) Then try it another day. As you do this many times, you may find that things you thought were crucial for your life were really getting in the way. The more you do this, the more light and happy you will feel. Plus, this openness allows all kinds of new people, possibilities and situations to start coming your way. You will have made room for them by putting your baggage down.
Give gifts
Giving and receiving are at the core of every relationship. When we are in love, this is never a problem. We naturally give and are happy with whatever is offered in return. If you want to open up to falling in love, adopt this state of mind and start giving naturally.

What gifts do you give others in relationships? What do you hope to receive in return? Now take a moment to consider what else you can give someone. Then give it. Do this every day. Each day, give something else. It does not have to be fancy or expensive -- or even a material object -- just something that will add to his or her day. Then do this with all kinds of different people. Zen is about doing this kind of thing quietly without great fanfare and without expecting something in return.

Do this with yourself as well. Take a moment to find out what kind of gift you would like. Simple examples are taking a walk in the park, buying a new lipstick or spending time with someone you care for. Now give yourself a gift each day.

Although this exercise is simple, it is extremely powerful. Doing this daily can turn everything around in your relationships. When you give, remember not to look for anything in return (not even a smile or thank you). Just give to give, with no expectations, no demands. By living with this open, generous mind, all kinds of other gifts come to you naturally.
Make friends with yourself
Many people say they are lonely, even when they have a partner at their side. This is simply because they have not yet made friends with themselves. According to Zen, once you come to terms with yourself and appreciate who you are on a personal level, it is impossible to be lonely anymore.

Make friends with yourself. Spend time noticing who you are. Accept all parts of yourself. Stop judging and rejecting what is going on inside. Be still and look within.

Start with this exercise. Pay attention to your breath and just notice what is going on. Let it be. Accept it, and return to the breathing. Understand that, breath by breath, underneath the clamor, you are perfect just as you are. Can you choose to be this natural self in relationships? Can you choose to have relationships with those who want and appreciate just what you are? Making positive changes in your life -- and your relationships -- can start with something as simple as taking off your shoes.

BE COMPATIBLE BEFORE FALLING IN LOVE

Long-term relationships fail for many reasons, but one of the most common is incompatibility in important areas of your life. It’s all too easy to overlook major differences in the first bloom of love, but will the traits and beliefs that seem endearing in the first months of a new relationship still be acceptable in five, ten, or forty years? The sad thing is that a painful breakup could have been avoided, simply by having an honest discussion of important issues before the relationship got too deep. If you take a hard look at the ways you differ from your new flame, you can spare yourself a broken heart and a lot of time down the road. Here are five questions that you should ask yourself before your relationship gets too serious.

1. Are Our Politics Compatible? Politics is an issue which is often ignored in the early stages of a relationship. Who wants to think about global warming when you could be planning a romantic getaway? However, people tend to be passionate about their political beliefs, and differing views can cause relationships to explode. Falling in love with people who share your political tendencies will make a smoother road to travel in the future.
2. Are Our Religious Views Compatible?Opposing religious views might work out for two adults who respect one another, even if you do have difficulty reconciling your agnostic views with his dedication to spending Sunday mornings in church. However, they can become a strain in a long term relationship, especially if you plan to have children.
3. Are Our Patterns of Communication Compatible?Some couples frequently flare up at each other, shouting and yelling over every little problem – only to be doting on each other five minutes later. Others would be badly hurt, preferring to discuss disagreements calmly and peaceably. Difficulties often arise when communication patterns within the relationship vary widely.
4. Do We Have Similar Visions of the Future?When you first fall in love, all you can think about is the next time that you can see your new flame again. However, this is the best time to consider the future as well. If you’ve always dreamed of children and she doesn’t want them, or you envision spending your life in the country while he wants the glamour of city life, it will be difficult to combine your differing views into a comfortable life together.
5. Do We Have Similar Ideas About Love?Everybody has different ideas about how people who are in love should act. Perhaps you show your affection through your actions instead of your words, or you want your independence while your lover wants to spend all your spare time together. The more compatible these opinions, the easier your life together will be.
With love, honest communication, and respect, any of these differences may be overcome. However, knowing the areas in which you and your new love are not a perfect fit will allow you to address these issues early on. If you are not able to come to an agreement, you will know that the relationship will not work before it is too late.

THE BEST WAYS TO UNDERSTAND A MAN

10. ALL BLACK SHOES LOOK THE SAME TO HIM: Of course this may be somewhat of an exaggeration. But face it, Ladies... Men typically are not offered as many styles in the same color as women are. Therefore, that strappy black sling back, is exactly the same as the peep toe black sling back.
9. "HOW WAS YOUR DAY?" doesn't mean "How was your day?”: As insensitive as it sounds, when men ask this question, they typically do not want a play-by-play of your entire day. Quite frankly, it's boring. And unless you have something specific you want to discuss with him, he really doesn't care about your coworker's son's Little League Game.
8. INITIATE SEX: Yes, sometimes men want women to be a bit more aggressive in the bedroom, especially if they tend to make the first move most of the time. Men do enjoy a chase. But after being together for a while, they need to feel wanted as well. Initiate sex a bit more often, and you could see dramatic improvements in your sex life.
7. "NOTHING'S WRONG" means, nothing is wrong: Sometimes that quiet, brooding type of man is simply having a quiet moment to himself. Women are the ones who ordinarily like to discuss and plan the details of almost everything. But men are more hands on. When they are quiet, it doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong - only that they are thinking.
6. "I LOVE YOU" isn't always said with words: Once women understand that men show love in a variety of ways, women will happier. Recognizing loving gestures will definitely help get the point across. Sometimes those three little words are being screamed loud and clear, with actions instead.
5. HE DOESN'T REALLY WANT TO KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR PAST: Sure, you've had honest dialogue about your previous racy adventures. But guess what? Men don't want to know everything you've done, and EVERYONE you've done it with. A little mystery helps keep some of the fire alive. And besides, there is nothing wrong with keeping some private things, private.
4. DON'T BE A DOORMAT: Whoever coined the phrase that nice guys finish last, was actually onto something. While this doesn't mean that you should be rude or inconsiderate to your sweetie, it does mean that you should stand firm about things you believe in. Don't cave in to every whim for the sake of keeping your man around. In the end, it doesn't usually work anyway. Stand firm in your beliefs, and you'll maintain not only your integrity, but a healthy relationship.
3. HAVE A LIFE!: Make sure that you've got something going on the side. No, not someone or something. Activities, friends, and hobbies are all important in keeping you sane. It's fine to do things together. But no one can stand to be around someone 24 hours a day without there being tension from time to time. The phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" has a huge ring of truth.
2. DON'T LET YOURSELF GO : This doesn't mean bending your looks to satisfy the whims of your man. And it doesn't mean refusing to wear a particular style that he likes. Women should make sure that they feel as sexy as they did on the day they met their mates. A few pounds here and there may not make a difference to your beau. But if you've gained over 100 lbs, first ask yourself if You are happy with it. If not, then do something about it - For You. A happier You makes for a happier "us".
1. COMPLIMENT HIM. - Men like and need to feel attractive too. However, make sure that the compliments are genuine. If you like the way he looks in his favorite shirt, say so. Not only is it a boost to his confidence, but it lets him know that he's still attractive to you as well!

HOW KNOW IF YOUR LOVER IS CHEATING - CATCH A CHEATER

I think almost everybody could agree with me on this one: The only thing worse than finding out that your spouse is a cheater is not knowing. Not knowing if your partner is faithful can eat away at you and cause pain that can last months or even years. Betrayal is the worst form of disrespect and can leave wounds that won’t heal for a long time, if ever. Before we dive into sneaky ways that you can catch your partner red handed, lets first discuss why people cheat. I have often thought to myself, Why is it that animals are able to stay faithful to each other for a lifetime, while many humans can not seem to handle this task for more than a matter of months? The fact is that humans are the only creatures that realize they have a choice to how many partners they chose to have at a single moment in time. In addition, in recent studies, scientists have found that males with higher than average testosterone levels may be at greater risk of being involved in extramarital affairs than males with low testosterone levels. However, unlike animals, we have the ability to make decisions. We are able to override these hormones at any given time. Still, many chose not to. Testosterone or no testosterone, I still think cheating ultimately has to do with unhappiness. And, due to our ability to make decisions, those who chose to cheat go to great lengths to hide their affair. This is because they know what they are doing is wrong.
This is why people who are cheaters are often hard to catch. So on that note, here are some potential signs that your partner may be cheating:

1. Change in Usual Work Pattern:  Extended hours or possibly even over night shifts. This is the most popular excuse used by a cheating partner.
2. Phone Turned Off/Not Returning Calls: If you try to contact your partner during times that you are suspicious of them being unfaithful and they do not answer the phone or answer it but quickly find a reason to hang up with you, there’s a good chance that they are not being faithful.
3. Change in General Attitude: If your husband/wife suddenly makes it apparent that they are bored around you, or maybe seem overly excited on particular days, this could be a sign that they are having a relationship with somebody else. Sometimes a cheating mate may even become very angry or not want to handle simple arguments.
4. Lack of Money: Generally speaking, a deceptive partner will be spending time, as well as money, on their new date. The amount spent may greatly affect their usual income, depending on how much they are looking to impress their new partner.
5. Change in Attire: The sudden urge to dress attractively or get a new hairstyle, shave often, etc may be due to the fact that your partner is looking to appear more attractive to another individual.
6. Change in Relationship: If your partner suddenly stops confiding in you or seeking your advice this may be due to them finding it elsewhere.
7. New Hobbies: A cheating spouse may take interest in new things that don’t add up - such as new music, a new sport, etc.
8. Secretive Conversations:  Does your partner run out of the room when he/she answers the phone to handle business? Or do they speak in a very low tone?
9. Deleted E-mails / Odd Computer Habits: If your husband/wife is startled by your presence when they are online or if they are constantly cleaning out their mailbox, there could be a reason for it. It is not normal behavior for a spouse to quickly exit off of a screen when someone enters the room unless they are planning a surprise vacation or doing something they know is wrong.

With that being said, here are some ways to catch a cheating partner :
1. Show up at your Spouses Work - Pick one of those days when they are working late and surprise them with a hot meal or desert. Make sure you have a reason for going up to their job so you don’t look too suspicious.
2. Check Mileage on their Car - This is a surefire way to see if your partner has been where they claim to have been. However, take into account if they needed to go to the bank or any other locations. A few extra miles here or there do not constitute as being disloyal.
3. Record Keep - Record dates and times of suspicious phone calls. If your mate is cheating you should be able to draw a conclusion that relates these times to other incidents. For example, if someone calls and hangs up on Wednesday evenings, followed by your partner getting called into work, this could be a tip for you to log.
4. Keep Quiet - Don’t open your mouth until you have the evidence you need for conviction. Telling your partner you think they may be seeing someone else will only complicate the patter because you have opened their eyes to the fact that they are not as sneaky as they would like to be.
5. Check Receipts - If you are able, check receipts found in pockets, the car, drawers, etc. If your partner is going out they are bound to eventually slip up and leave valuable evidence somewhere. Bank records of money withdrawals or credit card bills are also good ones. If looking at a credit card bill, pay close attention to detail, like where they are purchasing gasoline. Is it near your home? Or is it in a city that doesn’t fit into their usual travels?
6. Spy - If you are able to do your own surveillance or have a friend help you, do it. Watch what your partner is doing when they say they are working, etc.
7. Computer Research - Read e-mails, check cookies, etc. See what your partner is doing when they are online. Over half of cheating partners use the internet as a form of communication because it is easy and confidential. If you check your partners cookies you will be able to see what sites they are visiting. This can be very valuable, for example, if your partner’s e-mail address is mike@hotmail.com and the cookies say that they are constantly logging into a Yahoo account.

Have you tried all of the previous mentioned steps and still feel as if you are being betrayed? If so then you may have to go to extremes: Lie Detector Test, GPS Tracking or hire a Private Investigator. But before making the decision to do any of these things, take into consideration that they are very costly. You need to weigh your relationship and determine if it is worth the money. Remember that if you are at the point where you are 100% convinced your spouse is a cheater, you do not need to waste the money, you all ready know the answer. If you know they are a cheater, having a Private Investigator follow them around for weeks is not going to make a difference. Only you know your thoughts. Before making any decision you need to be prepared to accept the results. Will having your mate pass a lie detector test really make a difference? What if they pass with flying colors? Will you suddenly trust them? What if the work hours keep getting later and later and things still don’t add up? What then? Be honest with yourself and your feelings up front.

SIGNS OF A BAD DATE

Dating is expensive. Its not just the money - its the time spent grooming and the investment of all that emotional energy in hoping he is great and wondering what will happen. And there is the opportunity cost! Time spent with one guy is time you can’t spend with someone better!

No, your time, money, and beauty products are too valuable to waste on a guy not worth the nail polish you removed in order to match your fingers to your toes.
It’s crucial to develop a sensitive radar that can detect the subtle red flag moments that tell you, This guy is not worth shaving my legs for. There are some of the obvious things - he lives with his parents when he’s over the age of 30, his socks don’t match, he talks about his ex all the time, he’s had no relationships that lasted longer than a year, he’s totally self-absorbed, etc. But there are some subtler cues I have learned to recognize over my years of dating fiascos that I will share with you. I hope my bad dates will help you avoid some of your own.

10. When you’re on a date, he talks trash about an ex. It doesn’t matter how much of a bitch she was, good men accept at least some responsibility for every break up and they speak respectfully about other people, no matter what. (Incidentally, check yourself for this one.)

9. He talks trash about his mom. A guy who doesn’t have some respect for his mom, even if she left him on a doorstep, won’t really respect for you. Bad date!

8. He moves in for the kiss way too soon. If he can’t tell that you’re not interested in all that yet, he will never be able to tell what you’re interested in.

7. He never moves in for the kiss. If you are ready, willing, and able, and he isn’t reading the signals, he’ll never be able to read the signals.

6. His place is a mess the first time you come over. You’d clean up your place before he came over - you had at least stuff all that random crap in the closet and jimmy the door shut. If he couldn’t put in the effort to clean up a little, what effort will he ever put in? <p>

5. He can’t cook. It’s a well known fact that men who cook are better in bed, they are more sensual, more responsive, more attentive, and know how to do one thing with their hands while they do something else with their mouths.

4. He has a habit or a personal style - for example, answering the question, How was your day? with a blow-by-blow description of everything he did every hour from the moment he woke up until the moment you asked him how his day was and you catch yourself thinking, But that can change. No it can’t. It won’t change on it’s own, he can’t change it, it won’t change. People don’t change, they just learn to deal with the problems they have.

3. He has no kids, no pets, no fish, not even any plants. If the only thing that lives in his place other than him is the mold in the back of his fridge, he’s a nonstarter. A guy who can’t even commit to keeping a spider plant alive does not have what it takes to keep a relationship alive.

2. He’s over 40 and he’s never been in a committed relationship. If he hasn’t done it by then, he never will. He’s had about 20 years to meet the right girl; by now, it’s not the girls. It’s him. It doesn’t matter how great you are, he’ll never commit because he just does not know how. So why should you?

1. He’s talking about a past relationship and you catch yourself thinking, As long as he does not do it to me He will do it to you. No matter how crazy he says the other girl was, no matter how much better you are being a loving, accepting girlfriend. He will. Can you cope with that? If not, ditch him now.

Good men are out there, ladies. I firmly believe that. Don’t let the nonsense of the unfit stand between you and a man who can stand on his own two feet, keep a plant alive, clean his apartment, and kiss you right when you want to be kissed!

THE REASONS WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE AND LONELY

Tired of first dates that don't result in relationships? Sick of chasing after guys who clearly aren't ready to commit? If you've made an all-out effort to find your match with little success, maybe it's time to rethink your approach toward searching for true love. Here you'll find five common mistakes women make in the dating game. If one or two sound familiar, don't beat yourself up. Just recognize that you deserve better and commit to making a change for good. 
1. If you think love will never find you, it won't. I receive many posts on the Dating from women whose romantic disappointments have left them convinced there is something inherently unlovable about them. They say things like: "Who would want me anyway? I'm sure I'm going to wind up alone."

Obviously these women are as worthy of love as you and I. (Yes, we're worthy!) But they've come down with something so awful it can keep them solo for years to come: self-fulfilling prophecy, or SFP. SFP isn't contagious but it will make potential dates run the opposite way. It's an insidious disease. Physically, it leaves the sufferer untouched. But the more one walks around saying, "I will never find love," the higher the odds that expectation will come true. Contrarily, the sunnier one's thoughts — "I'm such a cool, happy person that I'm bound to find love" — the sunnier the forecast for her romantic future.

If you're among those throwing one too many pity parties for herself, get busy: Start a journal. Each day write down something lovable about yourself. It will get easier with time. You can even consider calling or e-mailing a few close friends or relatives, so they can share reasons they think a man would be lucky to have you. Level with them about why you're making this request, and they'll probably be happy to help. Whenever a negative thought threatens to invade your mind, replace it with a positive one.

Uncover the other love mistakes that might be keeping you single right here:
2. Kick the bad-boy habit. News flash: Good guys have not gone the way of the 8-track. They exist in bulk. The trick is learning to both recognize and want a man of worth. "For years I was attracted to guys whose mission was to hurt me," says reformed bad-boy lover Adel Harris, a 32-year-old Chicago Web designer. "It would be obvious from the get-go. They'd never call when they said they would, were constantly caught in stupid lies, said they loved me, then ran around with other women. One even tried to seduce my best friend." During these years, Adel kept railing that her dates were the best of a bad lot: No man could be kind or faithful. Then she attended a cousin's wedding. "Naomi's bridegroom Rick was the sweetest man in the world. He obviously adored my cousin and lived to please her," says Adel. "Seeing the sweet, loving light in his eyes, I vowed that one day I'd meet a man who would look at me like I was a treasure."

Adel took a dating hiatus and did some much-needed thinking about the root of her obsession with bad boys. "My dad was a life-of-the-party type, but as a husband and father he was cold and uncaring," she admits. "He left for good when I was 10. After that, the few times I'd see him I'd practically do cartwheels to win his attention. When I was old enough to have a boyfriend, I began metaphorically dating my dad. Once I realized what I'd been doing, I started seeing the appeal of guys who weren't as flashy or unreliable, guys who were capable of caring."

Today Adel is engaged — to a Rick type. "I can't believe I wasted all that time on men who treated me like dirt," she says. "But it was worth it, I guess because it eventually taught me to truly appreciate a good man."
3. Repeat after me: Love is not a synonym for leash. When Gina Thomas, a 29-year-old Manhattan magazine art director, got engaged, it seemed like a dream come true. In her fantasies she and her fiancé Bill would do everything together. Bill had a different definition. "Once we moved in together I assumed Bill would cut out the biweekly poker games with the guys and the occasional nights out after work," says Gina. "Our jobs left us little free time as it was. We shouldn't have wasted it on other people."

Wanting your partner to be with you 24/7 is not realistic or fair, yet like Gina many women feel abandoned or unloved if their other half has needs (say, for male camaraderie or occasional solitude) that can't be fulfilled by the relationship.
Gina's insecurity and neediness led her to make Bill feel like he was under house arrest. And no matter how plush the jail, eventually a prisoner wants to be set free. The two split.

The happiest couples allow each other breathing room to grow. The more dynamic their lives apart (in terms of jobs, hobbies, friends), the more they'll have to share with each other when they get together.

4. Don't commit emotional infidelity. It is vital that your partner be someone you treat with courtesy and kindness. If you tell all of your favorite jokes and "bad day" stories to a friend or male coworker, what will you have left when you get home to your honey? It may sound crazy, but there is a premium on a person's time and energy — there is only so much of it to go around — and if you spend yours with someone else, you're potentially hurting your relationship. Even worse is betraying your partner's confidences with a male friend or coworker. Just ask Doreen Badenstadt, a 34-year-old chef from Santa Fe, New Mexico. "After six years of marriage my husband Ed and I started growing apart. Nothing drastic, but he was no longer the first person I'd tell when something good or bad happened," she says. "That honor belonged to my neighbor Don."

Doreen never slept with Don, but she did begin sharing intimacies, such as the fact that her husband wore a toupee, a fact Don joked about at a neighborhood barbecue. Ed was shocked and felt betrayed at hearing his business discussed over hot dogs and beer. He accused his wife of disloyalty, precipitating the biggest fight the pair had ever had. The couple patched things up, but Doreen was reminded the hard way that her marriage needed to be the number one relationship in her life.

5. You're wrong if you need to be right. When Anne Ryan, a 29-year-old from Chicago, met her boyfriend Sam, she was delighted that the two had so much in common. Both were lawyers and loved to tango, downhill ski and play chess. Both were also stubbornly full of pride. "Sam was perfect except for one horrible flaw," says Anne. "He always needed to be right — whether it was about which restaurant served better burgers or which of us had apologized first after our last fight. What I didn't realize until it was too late was that I was just as bad. I couldn't admit that I'd forgotten to give him an important phone message or that his desire to move to L.A. was something I should seriously consider. I wanted to stay in Chicago and that was all that mattered. It was my way or the highway."

THE BEST WAYS TO CHASE A GOOD MAN AWAY - ( GOOD LOVER )

Explain the difference between princess, marquee and emerald cut diamonds -- and note your preference
Insist that he's not paying enough attention during the diamond-cut lesson and offer to go through it again
Call his home number from your cell phone at the dinner table so that he'll have a souvenir
Mention that your last breakup was especially painful when your ex started using the word "psychotic" to describe you

Doing your best Audrey Hepburn impression, ask him for a $50 for "the powder room" and call him a "super rat" if he won't cough up the dough
Wear a tiara
Tell him that you're really looking forward to marriage
Expand on this last point and include the part about being able to spend someone else's money -- finally!
Ask him who he would be if he could be "any rock star in the world"
Confess that in preparation for the date, you conducted a conference call with all of your friends in order to get enough fashion, etiquette, and giddiness-prevention advice to make it through the evening.

LIST OF ONLINE DATING TIPS

There’s a nervousness, thrill, and excitement that occurs when meeting a person for the first time face to face. Yet amongst the thrill, remember to always be on your guard when going out on a date with someone you barely know.

Here are 12 tips on dating safety to help you get started:


1. Arrange to meet him. Don’t let him pick you up from your home.
2. Meet in public places. If possible, double date or go out with a group of people.
3. Go Dutch by paying half of the bill. That way you won’t feel under any obligation to return the favor.
4. Remember that alcohol affects your judgment and lessens your inhibitions. If you are drinking, keep your drink in sight at all times and don’t get so drunk that you don’t know what you are doing.
5. Use your own mode of transportation. And leave with a full tank.
6. Don't assume that a man is safe just because he claims to be religious.
7. Don’t let him know where you live. If you want to see him again, arrange a second date and then take it from there.
8. Avoid secluded areas such as parks.
9. Listen to your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. And if you haven’t met him before, and you know at the beginning of the date that something doesn’t feel right, then leave immediately.
10. Always let someone else know where you're going and who you'll be with. You might even consider arranging a time to call and check in. Or you could arrange to meet up with friends later that night.
11. Give him your cell phone number instead of your home phone number.
12. Always remain alert. Even if you’re having a blast and the chemistry is great, it’s a good idea to remain alert the whole evening. Make sure you have a cell phone on you.
Dating safely is very important. In the initial stages of dating, you are still getting to know someone you know little about. By creating a safe environment to know the person, you’re creating a better situation for you.

COMMUNICATION - CONVERSATION LINES FOR A FIRST DATE

There is nothing worse, when meeting someone for the first time, than that awkward silence after the initial greeting. Kick the silence into orbit with these conversation starters:

* How was your day?
* You look really nice, where did you get (item in question)?
* How was work?
* Have you seen any movies recently? How did you like it/them?
* What kind of music do you listen to?
* What sports do you play or like? How long have you played for?
* What interesting things did you do this weekend (week)?
* Have you ever been to (a local restaurant)?
* What kind of foods do you like?
* Where are you from?
* Where did you go to school/college?
* Have you read any good books lately? Was it interesting?
* What do you normally do for fun?
* Do you like (an interest of yours)?
* What's the neatest place you've traveled to?
* What's one place you haven't traveled to yet that you really want to go?
These simple ideas will get the conversation flowing and you will find out what the other is interested in. Be sure to listen carefully to what the other person says so that you can ask follow-up questions while learning new things.

TIPS & SIGNS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL DUMP YOU

When a relationship ends, we tend to wonder where it went wrong. Were there any warning signs that he lost interest? YES. But you were so wrapped up in the relationship or with other things that you didn’t even see it coming. Here are eight warning signs he is no longer interested... or maybe these are how you are acting. Either way it is time to take a closer look at your relationship and decide whether you want it or not.

Warning Sign #1: He hasn’t called you for a few days
This isn't necessarily a sign that it is over, but if you are use to him calling frequently then there is something wrong.
Warning Sign #2: Picking fightsDoes he fly off the handle more than usual? Is he causing arguments over stupid little things? This is often a bad case when people are no longer interested in a relationship but they don’t want to be the one to end it. Don’t beat about the bush. Ask him out right if he is no longer interested in the relationship.
Warning Sign #3: He's being secretive
He no longer wants to tell you where he has been or who was on the phone. Maybe the phone is off limits to you. He disappears for hours without an explanation.
Warning Sign #4: He no longer refers to "we" but "I"
You use to sit and plan your future together. "We are going to do this, we are going to do that". Now it is "I am going to do this". You are no longer included in his future.
Warning Sign #5: He’d rather spend time with his friends than you
You have to fight with his friends for his attention. Before you were most important in his life. Now his friends are more important than you.
Warning Sign #6: You no longer talk
Once upon a time you would sit and have discussions about everything from the weather to what is happening to the ozone. Now he just answers everything with a "yes". You no longer have deep discussions.
Warning Sign #7: Friends start asking what's wrong
Friends begin to notice tension or distance between you. They start asking if everything Is "all right".
Warning Sign #8: He's more critical of you
"That’s a horrible dress," he says. Yet he helped you pick it out only a few weeks ago.
Remember that these are only warning signs and, in fact, your relationship may just be going through a rough patch. Talk to each other first before you do anything you may regret.

THINGS TO DO ON A FIRST DATE

Inexpensive First Date Ideas:


1. The beachTake a picnic, a bottle of wine and a rug and spend the day catching the sun together. Or you could take a dip together. All that splashing is bound to be great fun.
2. Picnic by a river
Prepare a basket of goodies, a chilled bottle of wine, and enjoy the day relaxing in each other's company.
3. The movies
Let your date choose the film. It will show a good gesture if you don't have the same taste in films. Select a unique theater (i.e. leather seating) to enhance the experience and arrive early to provide plenty of time to get to know each other.
4. Theme park
Big or small, everybody loves theme parks. Triple loop roller coasters, dodgems, etc. is the ideal date for the big kid in us.
5. Eat in
Show off your culinary skills and ask them round for dinner. Don’t over do the candles and music or you may frighten them away.
6. Indoor ice skating - or roller blade in the park
You can lean against each other for balance and warmth.
7. A sporting activity that you both like If you are both big basketball fans, then take a trip to see a professional basketball game together.
8. Kite flying
It's a lot more fun than you may think!
9. A trip to the zoo
Everyone likes animals so a trip to the zoo makes for a perfect date.
10. Local museum or art gallery
This is only a good idea if you are both interested in museums.


Expensive First Date Ideas:


1. Go to a concert
Take them to see their favorite band in concert and dance the night away.
2. Go for an expensive meal
Have her serenaded by one of the waiters with a bottle of champagne and a dozen red roses.
3. Horseback riding
Take a trip to the nearest horse farm. Spend the afternoon horseback riding and stopping to take in the scenery and afternoon lunch in a local inn.
4. Candle lit dinner for two aboard a yacht
Take her out to sea. Put on the full works, captain sailing, champagne on ice and lobsters for dinner.
5. Take in a show
Get dressed up for the evening and go along to watch one of your favorite shows at a theatre house. Or go to a premier of a big blockbuster movie.
6. Horse drawn carriage at night
Take a trip around the city and through the park on a horse drawn carriage. Have it take you to a swanky restaurant and wait while you dine.
7. Under the sea - Go scuba divingThere's three worlds to explore on Earth. What's under the surface, what's on the surface, and what's above the surface. Take your date on an adventure to discover what wonders the ocean holds.
8. Take to the sky - Go for a trip in a hot air balloonThe thrill and beauty of a hot air balloon ride is a very romantic and exciting date. And that's no hot air.
9. A trip to New York for the afternoon
Fly her to New York and back in an afternoon. This is the ultimate first date destination (especially if it is her first time there).
10. On top of the world
Prepare a basket of caviar, prawn cocktail, strawberries and cream and champagne on ice and take to the skies.



Extravagant First Date Ideas:


1. Fly her to Paris and back
Take in all the sights that Paris has to offer. Finish the date with an expensive meal in one of the swanky restaurants in Paris.
2. Helicopter ride
Go for a flight over the city in a helicopter.
3. Become a Vegas Whale
Dress up to the nines and go blow a fortune in a top casino.
4. Parachute jump
Take to the sky for the high of a lifetime. This is cannot be a surprise date unless you are sure this is what they want.
5. Climb to the top of the world
Go mounting climbing on a clear summer’s day. Don’t forget the flag for when you reach the top.
6. Go swimming with dolphins
This has to be the ultimate experience of a lifetime and if you aim to impress, this is the way to do it.
7. Parasailing
Take to the sea, have lunch, then the sky's the limit.
8. Eat in
Hire a top chef and waiting staff to prepare a meal and evening that your date won't soon forget.