SELF HELP - THE POWER OF THINKING POSITIVE

Virtually every self-help book on the market have one thing in common - expressing the importance of being positive to increase your happiness and well-being.


There have been many studies done on the power of positive thought and the conclusions show a mass amount of health benefits, without having to take medication! Positive thinking has been proven to reduce stress, help people live longer, and improve your overall well-being and ability to cope.
So if it is that simple, then why aren't we living in a society of total bliss and happiness? The answer is thatno one, you nor I, wants to admit that they are negative. And if you can't admit that you are negative then how can you ever change your lifestyle to being positive?

In Online Dating Magazine's article about online dating profile tips, the #1 tip is to avoid negativity in your profile. Whether it is "I'm lonely" or "my last boyfriend was a jerk" these types of statements turn people off, making it easy to bypass your profile for one where a person seems more in tune with life, and himself/herself.
But avoiding negativity shouldn't just be an issue for your profile. It should be an issue for your life. And with that in mind, here are seven steps to help you turn negativity into positive thinking:


Step 1: Admit You Are Negative
The first step to changing your life is to admit that you are negative or that you have negative thoughts. Whether talking about a coworker behind his/her back or believing you "can't" do something; these contribute to a non-healthy lifestyle.


Step 2: Be Determined to be Positive
Once you've admitted you are negative, or at least have some negative tendencies, you can resolve to changing the way you think. Become conscious of your daily thoughts and when a negative thought enters your mind, quickly turn it around. Instead of "I don't think I can do that," think "I love a new challenge and will conquer this one" or "I can do this no matter how hard it is." Instead of "I'll do this later," think "By getting this done now I can have it accomplished." Eliminate words like "can't" from your vocabulary and replace them with "can". Start to say positive things about other people. Start to think positive things about other people. "Wow, that was really nice what he/she did." When presented the opportunity to comment on someone else, refrain from saying anything bad.


Step 3: Remove Yourself From Negative Influences
Your environment begins to reflect who you are after time. Thus if you have friends or coworkers you hang out with who are always griping about their job, boss, or life then begin to slowly weed out that group of people and seek out those who are positive and don't talk about others behind their back. When you replace a negative environment with a positive one, you make huge strides in improving your lifestyle.


Step 4: Replace Cola with Water
The healthiest beverage you can drink is water. And by replacing chemical and sugar-filled drinks with water, you will make massive improvements to your health. First of all, you are eliminating the sugar and caffeine that are so addicting, yet bad for overall health. Second, you are increasing your water intake. Chemical-free natural water will help improve your energy, eliminate toxins from your body, make your skin more healthy looking, and improve your mental performance. How can you not help but become more positive with such changes to your life?! Drink lots of water - it is the true "miracle vitamin".


Step 5: Stop Watching the News
Murder. Rape. Fraud. War. Daily news is often filled with nothing but negative stories and when you make reading such material a part of your daily lifestyle, you begin to be directly affected by that environmental factor. If you still need a dose of news, then tune into a station or site that features "Good News". Check out this Happy News Web site and this Good News Blog.


Step 6: Learn to Meditate
Meditating allows you to clear your mind, lower stress, become more focused, and stay positive. It's a very positive and powerful medium. By taking just 15 minutes a day to meditate, you'll find yourself handling time and stress much better. You'll also gain a more positive outlook on life.


Step 7: Spread Your Positiveness to Others
Put your new positive thinking lifestyle into action. Take time out to write down the top 10 things you love about your partner and give that list to him/her. When you experience good customer service, take time to write a note or e-mail expressing your gratitude. Practice spreading your positiveness to others and it will grow.


When you allow yourself to become immersed in positive thinking, you will start to see it affect other aspects of your life. For example, instead of feeling "inconvenienced" by merging traffic, you'll allow someone to easily merge in front of you and feel great about it. They might even wave or mouth "thank you". At a grocery store when you have a cart full of groceries and the person behind you has only one or two items you may find yourself saying, "please go ahead of me since you only have a few items" and that person's gratitude will make your day. You'll find yourself actively thinking about others and your contribution to their positive experiences will have a huge affect on your eternal happiness.

CREATING THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP - HOW TO BE ROMANTIC

The guide that follows is a listing of 101 ways to having a more perfect relationship with the lover of your dreams. While most tips are intended for guys, I am sure you ladies are creative enough to reverse the genders and use them yourselves. I wrote this list a few years back when I was in love with someone (I wasn't single at the time) and although some of the items listed may have been influenced from other lists I had picked up here and there, most of them came from my own experience. Obviously there may be some things listed that just aren't for you, and that's understandable. I wrote this to be a general guide that can help all kinds of couples. I guarantee that by doing some or all of these things with your romantic partner, you will be well on your way to having a more perfect relationship. I realize most of these are not about sex, but they easily can be if you want to add it!
1. Watch the sunset together
2. Back rubs/messages
3. French kiss
4. Hold them with hands inside the back of their shirt
5. Whisper to each other
6. Cook for each other
7. French kiss in the rain
8. Dress each other
9. Undress each other
10. Kiss every part of their body
11. Hold hands often
12. Sleep together (actually sleep together, not sex)
13. Sit and talk in just underwear
14. Buy surprise gifts for each other
15. Roses, daisies, or wild flowers
16. Find a nice secluded place to lie and watch the stars
17. Kiss them every chance you get
18. Don't wear underwear and let them find out
19. Lightly kiss their collarbone and jawbone just below their ear, then whisper "I love you."
20. Write poetry for each other
21. Kiss/smell their hair
22. Hugs are the universal medicine
23. Say "I love you" only when you mean it, and make sure they know you mean it
24. Tell her she's the only girl you ever want, and don't lie
25. Spend every second possible together
26. Tell her she never has to do anything she doesn't want to do, and mean it
27. Look into each other's eyes often
28. Very lightly push up their chin, look into their eyes, tell them you love them, and kiss them
29. Talk to each other using only your eyes, body language, and by humming different pitches
30. When in public, only flirt with each other
31. Walk behind them and put your hands in their front pockets
32. Put love notes in their pockets when they don't know it
33. Buy an inexpensive ring, place it on their finger, and say "I do."
34. Sing to each other
35. Read to each other
36. PDA's
37. Take advantage of any time alone together to cuddle
38. Draw a picture together
39. Let them sit on your lap
40. Lips were made for kissing. So were eyes, cheeks, collarbones, hands, and ears.
41. Kiss her on her stomach with an oceanic kiss (draw in a short breath or air just before the kiss)
42. Hold them around their hips/sides
43. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand, and place it over your heart
44. Unless you can hear their heart beating, then you aren't close enough
45. Dance together
46. Cherish the picture you see when she falls asleep in your arms
47. Carry her when you have to walk through mud, or she's tired, cold, or even if she asks
48. Do cute things like write "I love you" on a piece of paper so they have to hold it up to a mirror to read it
49. Make excuses to call them often
50. Even if you are extremely busy doing something and they are away and know you are busy, go out of your way to call and say "I love you" or something else to show them you do
51. Call them from your vacation spot and tell them you miss them and were thinking about them, and be sure to mean it
52. Remember your dreams, and share them with each other
53. Ride your bike a healthy distance to see them if even just for a few hours, even if you have a car
54. After you've ridden/driven home, call them
55. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears
56. Be Prince Charming to her parents, and mean it
57. Act out a mutual non-sexual fantasy together
58. Brush her hair out of her face for her
59. Stay up all night and think of 101 ways to be sweet to them
60. Talk to her friends as well as her when you are all together
61. Go to church/worship/pray together, even if you aren't religious
62. Take her to see a movie and remember all the parts she liked
63. Cuddle together under a full moon on a clear night
64. Learn from each other and never make the same mistakes twice
65. Everyone deserves a second chance
66. Describe the joy that you genuinely feel just to be with him/her
67. Make obvious sacrifices for each other
68. Love each other together, don't just be together
69. You figure it out. (Haha.)
70. Write a story about how you met and fell in love with them, and give it to them
71. Let there never be a second during the day you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it
72. Pray about them every night before going to bed
73. Love yourself before you love anyone else
74. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages
75. Dedicate songs on the radio to them if you can, even if you know they aren't listing so everyone else can know how you feel
76. Fall asleep on the phone with each other (intentionally)
77. Stand up for them if someone talks trash, whether or not they are present
78. Never forget the kiss goodnight, and always remember to say "sweet dreams"
79. Always try to tell them everything you love about them, and mean it
80. Draw cute little pictures and symbols on the letters you give them
81. Give her something of personal value for her to keep as a reminder of your love for her
82. Never do anything with other members of the opposite sex that you wouldn't do with them there with you
83. Find a particular tree in the part to call your own, and go there often to talk about your day
84. Make sure to put their wishes before your own
85. Always remember the anniversary and plan something special for the occasion; forgive and forget if they forget the anniversary
86. Board games on rainy days
87. Always say "bless you" or "God bless you" when she sneezes
88. Share with your friends how much you love them, and be truthful
89. Open your heart to them as much as or more than they do to you
90. Always say good, truthful things to them to cheer them up when they need it
91. Never talk about problems with ex's
92. Go on a walk and pick flowers for her (with or without her)
93. Be true to yourself- be true to each other, and always be true
94. Spend time thinking of creative dates
95. Go on one of those creative dates
96. To settle an argument, think of what is right, not who is right
97. Never say anything you know will make them jealous
98. Tell her parents how much you love her
99. Find a particular star in the night sky to call your own. When you know you can't be together, set a time for both of you to look at the same star and think of each other.
100. Fill your heart with love, and fill theirs with yours
101. Never wait for them to say "I love you" first, and always say it in return with meaning.

CHEATING - CAUSES OF INFIDELITY

As long as there have been men and women and as long as they have been dating, we have been engaged in this debate: When you are in a monogamous relationship, what constitutes cheating? Where do you draw that line? And is there a gray area?

There was a time when cheating had a simple definition; like the kind of the Scarlet Letter. But nowadays, both men and women are more complex and less tolerant of betrayal of any sort in a committed relationship. And when it comes to men and women, we probably differ vastly when it comes to what we perceive as cheating.

So, off come the gloves – here are seven relationship traps that you may or may not define as infidelity. It's up to you to decide

Confiding in a Friend of the Opposite Sex

Most guys would probably say no way is this cheating. They may understand that their girlfriends aredelicate, emotional creatures that need to talk things out to death. And better with some other poor guy than with himself, right?

But, many women actually feel threatened by their man confiding in friend of the opposite sex. Connecting with another woman on an emotional level can be even worse than connecting on a sexual level. What do you need to say to this other woman that you cannot share with your girlfriend? It has been called emotional cheating and it can be more hurtful than one night of torrid, drunken sex with an anonymous woman from the bar.
Dancing Closely

In many cultures, dancing is considered a very sensual act. That's why so many people probably think dance clubs are a great place to pickup.

This is one that most guys and girls can see eye to eye on. If you are at a nightclub, grinding sexually with someone other than your significant other, there is bound to be trouble.
Flirting
Flirting is such a natural act between men and women. Most confident individuals, in a secure and comfortable relationship don't mind their man/woman joking around or engaging in a little innocent flirting. Admit it, you probably do it all the time.

But if the conversations are sexual and the flirting is with the intent of eventually "getting some," then you have definitely crossed the line.
Going to Strip Clubs

There are some people who think that going to a strip club in and of itself constitutes cheating. But there are those who are more accepting and will allow their partner to enjoy a guys or girls night out at the rippers.

The problem arises when your committed boyfriend/girlfriend pays to touch a stripper. If you have to go to a strip joint to touch another person sexually, then there's a problem with the relationship. I think it is cheating, no doubt... Then again, I'm a woman.
Cyber Sex

Getting on the Internet and engaging in cyber sex ranks high on the cheating scale in pretty much everyone's book. It is hurtful to know that your partner is so unsatisfied sexually with you that he/she needs to talk dirty to a computer screen to get off. What's the point of talking to a blank, inhuman face when you can have the real thing right at home?

But then again, is there a direct correlation between your sex life and the desire to have cyber sex?
Watching Porn

Although it might be upsetting to know that your significant other has a fetish for watching pornographic movies, many of us would not consider it cheating. Women know that men enjoy watching porn and that it is an act that is completely separate from the relationship. There is no live "other woman" threatening the relationship. It is merely a sexual fantasy or maybe a way for men to learn hot moves for you in the bedroom.
Engaging in a Sexual Act

If I have to debate this one for you, you're a lost cause. All of us who aren't in one of those trendy "open relationships" consider kissing, caressing, licking, or having sex with another person cheating.

This is one you can't argue your way out of. It is the ultimate act of infidelity and a sure way to end your monogamous relationship.

LADIES LOVE UNAVAILABLE MEN

It seems she’s everywhere. That Girl. She may be eyeing you from across a crowded dance floor while she grinds seductively against her girl friend. She could be your “platonic” friend who seems to be in a perpetual state of crisis, calling for comfort in the wee hours of the morning a little too frequently. Maybe she’s the receptionist at your office or an online friend who wants to be more. There’s just one problem - you already have a girlfriend.
 

That Girl is the one with designs on stealing you away from your committed relationship and if you aren’t careful, her very presence could cause your happy twosome to come apart at the seams. Sure, you can think of plenty of ideas to excuse her behavior: she’s just drunk, she’s only a friend, she looks up to me.

Despite your justifications, this girl may be hatching schemes to get between you and your partner. If you want to keep your happy home trouble free, it’s helpful to be aware of some of the motivations these girls might have so you can avoid falling into an inappropriate situation.
Low Self-esteem 
In most cases, the reason these girls go for someone who is already attached is that they have a very low opinion of themselves. Outwardly, she may be acting like she’s God’s gift to everyone else’s boyfriend, but inside she’s just too scared to approach an available guy for fear of getting shot down. If she can’t get in your pants, at least she can blame it on your girl’s presence and not her own qualities (or lack thereof).
Idle Time

Some of these girls are simply bored and going to a club to hit on other people’s dates is just part of the fun of a Saturday night. This motivation is usually fairly harmless and rarely carries on longer than the night in question. However, if you start responding to her come-ons, you could have a fight to take home with you. Steer clear of the slutty drunk chick that seems oblivious to the fact that you’re paired up.
She Loves Drama

This is a similar motivation to boredom, but more far-reaching. The girls addicted to drama are going to take time to build a foundation of trust with you. This is usually centered on turning to you with some kind of emotional crisis.

The most effective way to cement this “support system” is to confide to you the terrible breakup she’s going through with an allegedly abusive guy. If you have even one sensitive bone in your body, you’re going to find it difficult to turn away from a heartbroken girl who has been treated like garbage by a scum bag guy.

For the sake of your relationship, take it easy on the all night cry fests. It’s good to be a friend, but your girlfriend is the one that deserves the majority of your emotional support.
Father Figure Issues

They say girls seek out mates that are like their fathers. If her father habitually cheated on her mother, or left the family for another woman, she could be repeating this relationship pattern, consciously or unconsciously. Trying to get a guy to stray from his commitment just proves a self-fulfilling prophecy for her. She believes all men will cheat, so she might as well help.
Real Feelings 
This is less likely to happen in real life than romantic comedies would have you believe. People rarely fall totally in love with someone else’s mate unless the mate is willing to stray. If what she has is a passing crush or a case of puppy love, you don’t have to worry. The infatuation should fade if you make the boundaries clear.

However, if her feelings run deeper, you’ll have a more difficult task on your hands. Let her down gently, but make sure she knows how in love with your girlfriend you are. She has to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she has no chance of breaking you two up.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR GIRLFRIEND

Women are complex creatures, sometimes frustratingly so. There are times when we make the men in our lives want to throw up their hands in defeat and say, "I'll just never understand what women want!" 

Don't give up hope. Sometimes the key to understanding your girl is to read between the lines of what she's saying to discover what she really means. 

It's not entirely our fault that we have this round about way of communicating. Boys are taught from a young age that asking for what they want is the best way to get it, while girls are encouraged to use our "feminine wiles" to maneuver our way into what our heart desires. 

It doesn't help that a straightforward persistent woman in our society is often tagged with unfair labels like "bitch" or "ball breaker". So instead of being direct, we sometimes take the long way to getting to what we really mean. To help you understand, there are certain things you can look for to help you decode the meaning behind your girlfriend's words. 

She Wants To Be Babied
"I had a really busy day" = "I need some pampering" 
When your girl complains about her long hard day, there's a good chance it's not just to get it off her chest. She wants you help her relax, but instead of just asking you for a back massage, or to run her a hot bath, she feigns helplessness so you'll be able to sweep in as her man and fix everything for her.

It's hard for a modern feminist woman to ask for help from her man. We all want to believe we can take care of ourselves, but there are times when we just want to be coddled a little bit. So, instead of being annoyed by her whining, do the smart thing and ask her what she needs to unwind. Trust me, you'll reap the rewards later.

It's Time to Talk
"I don't feel like talking" = "I really NEED to talk" 
You can tell something is bothering your girl, but when you ask she says nothing is wrong. Don't be fooled, she really does need to talk. She just wants you to press her a little. If you insist on asking what's wrong it convinces her that you really want to hear about her problems and help resolve them.

Try to encourage her to open up without nagging. Instead, let her know that you are concerned and open to listening. She really does want to tell you about the fight she had with her best friend or how much getting passed over for that promotion at work upset her, but unless you show genuine interest, she'll probably keep it bottled up.

The only time this translation may not be accurate is when she's upset about something you did. In this case, she may really need some space and time to think before she confronts you with it.
She's Feeling Insecure

"I'm not jealous" = "I need reassurance"

You've just run into your ex-girlfriend while walking down the street with your current one. You can tell that the unexpected meeting has your girl frazzled, but she insists she's not threatened.

What NOT to do in this situation is accuse her of being mistrustful or joke about how cute she is when she's jealous. The right thing to do here is to reassure her of your love and devotion without being too obvious about it. Try something like, "Wow, seeing Suzy again just makes me realize how perfect you and I are together."
She Wants to Get Serious "So are we like together?" = "I want a commitment"

Stereotypically, guys are all commitment phoebes while their girls are fervently awaiting him dropping to one knee in the perfect moment of romantic dedication. This may not be universally true, but there's a good chance she's looking toward the next stage in your relationship before you've even entertained the concept.

Not wanting to come on too fast or too strong, she'll probably be fairly hesitant to come right out and say she'd like to be your girlfriend or that she thinks that it's time you moved in together. Make it easy on her by being honest and clear about your feelings and intentions. If you're not quite ready to pledge monogamy, say so, but tell her that you think it's a big step, something you don't want to take lightly.

Ask for some time to think about it. Never make a commitment that you're not willing to follow through on. If you're not done playing the field, don't give the impression that you are. It will only lead to heartbreak.

WAYS TO INCREASE YOUR LOVE

For most couples, whether married or in a long-term relationship, it can be a difficult transition once the "honeymoon" stage is over. The initial lust and butterflies in the stomach you once felt may have given way to a more laid-back, comfortable feeling with your significant other. It is normal for long-standing relationships to cool down after a while and this is when the real relationship building begins.
 A good partnership is like tending to a pet - either you feed and nurture it, or bad things will happen. The small things you do become important. Daily habits help to forge strong relationships and marriages. It can be as simple as remembering to tell your partner "I love you," everyday.

If you are really serious about making your relationship work, there are several little rituals that you can incorporate into your daily life.

Talk To Each Other
Most relationship experts would agree that talking is the most important elements of a healthy partnership. Happy couples typically say their relationship works better when they can sit down one-on-one, share their feelings and work out their frustrations. Topics of discussion can extend past your relationship. Talk about work, how your day is going, or something funny that happened to you.

Many couples may complain that it is hard to find time in their busy day to have a daily couple's pow-wow. Well, it doesn't have to be an hour-long psych session each day. You simply have to set aside a few minutes for your special someone. For example, do a "weather" check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his/her day is going. By doing this, you will be more in sync when you reconnect after work.

If you have a pet dog, how about walking it together every night? The quiet time and fresh air can be your chance to focus on each other. If you have missed each other during the day, be sure to catch up at night right before going to bed. It is in this relaxed atmosphere that you can unwind and tell your partner about your busy day.

When you live together, you may automatically think you know everything about your lover. In reality though, it is very easy for life to get in the way if you don't take the time to connect with each other.
Flirt

Flirting isn't just for teenagers and couples on their first date. Part of a healthy sexual relationship involves flirting with each other everyday. And it doesn't just have to be a form of foreplay. Even on the nights when you are just too doggone tired to be intimate in bed, flirting can be a fun way to keep the zest in your relationship.

Don't be embarrassed about flirting in public either. Show off the strength of your relationship with a little PDA (public displays of affection). Walk hand in hand and try to steal a quick hug or kiss whenever you can. Most importantly, don't forget to say "I love you," as much as possible throughout the day.
Be Silly Together

Life is serious enough. Sometimes you just need to do something really silly. And if you can't do it with your significant other, who can you be silly with? When you find the time, try reliving your childhood by visiting an amusement park. Go on all the scary rides and eat all the sweets you can until your stomach can take no more.

For a daily ritual that you and your partner can share at home, try playing a game of Twister. The contorted positions you will find yourselves in will have you laughing in no time. Or kick back and watch a funny TV show that both of you enjoy. Whatever you do, the important thing is to laugh and have fun together.
Declare Your Independence

Remember that healthy relationships are made up of two independent people who have their own personalities and interests. It's not good for the relationship to be constantly joined at the hip. So also make a daily habit of getting away from each other. Peruse your own hobbies and interests.

Doing things separately gives you a chance to fill in the blanks that your partner may not be able to fill for you. For example, if one of you likes sports and the other likes the arts, use your alone time to go to the gym or enroll in a painting class. At the end of your day, you will find that you have more to talk about. It will help bring freshness to the relationship, as you both continue to grow as people.
Cultivate Common Interests
Along with developing your personal interests, apart from one another, it is also essential to find something you can do together. The emphasis is on finding an activity you can both enjoy. Although your definition of fun may be going shopping, he may not enjoy being dragged along.

If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. Try working out at the gym together. Or take some classes together until you find something you both like. Maybe you'll both fall in love with cooking and connect each night by preparing dinner together.